Going vegan isn't just for humans anymore...
The hard thing about being a modern vampire was dealing with humans. More specifically, finding ways to let them in without actually letting them in. Humans have this way of sensing when you don’t quite belong, and the best way to survive is to prove them wrong via blending in.
Unfortunately, this also means a potential increase in your actual friends trying to eat your human ones
I walked into the kitchen with a fresh bowl of greens to find one of my houseguests about to suck on my neighbors neck. A firm yank separated the two and I shoved my neighbor away, nabbing a bottle of garlic-infused holy water and spraying my ‘houseguest’ in the face. While he recoiled and hissed I pushed my neighbor into a secluded room lined with silver.
It burned me a little bit to cross over the material, but didn’t prevent me from crossing the barrier completely; one more unexpected benefit of getting hemoglobin from plants instead of people.
I sat her down on the couch and looked her over; no skin broken on her neck. Good. Her eyes were a bit dazed, body limp, so I tried to gently bring her out of it.
“Kara?” I said her name softly, rubbing a finger against her cheek. “Are you alright?”
She broke the trance with a shudder and a spasm, arm whipping out to make contact with my face. Flames grew on the side of her face as she pulled her knees up and away from me, voice reaching epic screeching pitch as she screamed, “you’re a VAMPIRE?!?”
I took a breath along with two steps away, holding my hands up. “Calm down Ka--”
“You’re a vampire!?!” she repeated, feet on the couch. “Trevor the vampire!?? How are you a vampire, Trevor!?!”
“Who told you--”
She jabbed a finger at the door. “Your friend! Out there!! Before he tried to eat me!!!”
There was a slap as I facepalmed myself, silently cursing Tommy for spilling the beans. And breaking his diet. “Alright, look--”
“How long have you been a vampire!?” she demanded, standing on the couch. “How can you be one? You’re too nice. And vegan!! I don’t believe this. Vampires aren’t real. Tell me you’re not a vampire, Trevor! Tell me I haven’t been spending my sunday afternoons having brunch and garden parties with a vampire named Trevor!!”
“I…” I hesitated. She stared, waiting. “You want me to answer in order, or…?” An angry snort was all I got, so I assumed that was a yes. “Okay. Yes, I’m technically a vampire. But I prefer the term ‘chlorophyre’; it means I drink from plants instead of humans. I was Turned during a rave in the 90s. I’m...honestly not sure what to say about the correlation between vampires and garden parties, but…” I shrugged. “I guess you have been.”
She stared, mouth hanging open between bouts of gibbering incomplete thoughts. Kara finally scraped together some words into a sentence, sputtering, “what about him? Is his a…” she peered at me, a new thought emerging. “You haven’t been asking me around for him, have you?”
I shook my head. “Of course not! Kara--” My one venture forward was met by a flailing of limbs and backing against the wall. “Alright. I apologize for Tommy, but sometimes I offer my home to others when they’re trying to make the change from people to plants. It’s easier for them when food is right there. They can learn the ins and outs of gardening, and I can monitor how many times they hunt versus how many times they get from the fridge. Plus it’s just…” I flashed a smile, “...nice.”
She hesitated, latching onto another new idea. “...plants?”
I nodded. “Some plant roots produce what is essentially hemoglobin...mix in a bit of coconut water and you’ve really got something.”
“...so you don’t drink blood?”
I shook my head. “I don’t drink blood.”
“...and your friend?”
“Got sprayed in the face with garlic,” I answered. “He’s in the process of rehabilitation. And I’m sure he’s very sorry.” She slowly came down from the back of the couch, peering at me as she moved. I took a breath. “Now for the real question...are you going to tell anyone?”
She paused, foot dangling in the air between the couch and the floor. “Tell…?”
“Other humans.” A hesitant laugh slipped through. “Kara, you can’t tell other humans about us. About me.”
A sudden, hysterically nervous laugh burst from her. “Other humans. Right. Because you’re a vampire. That eats plants.” Another fit of laughter dropped her right onto the seat of the couch. “My neighbor’s a vampire.”
“Chlorophyre,” I corrected. “Still vegan.”
She pointed at me. “Right. My neighbor's a vegan vampire. And he houses other vegan vampires. I live next to a vegan vampire commune!!” She dissolved into giggling fits of hysteria, and I let her descend into slight madness, waiting for her to sober up. I went and got her some water from the far side of the room, bringing it to her and waiting for her to calm down long enough to drink. She sucked it dry and stared at it, finally coming back up to me.
“...so how old are you?”
Really? That’s the first question she asks? I sighed, snatching the glass back from her. “I told you, I was made back in the 90s. If you’re hoping for some juicy tidbit about 1700s France, you’re out of luck. I didn’t pay much attention in history class.”
“...was Dracula real?”
I stared at her, glass still in hand. “In the 90s, Kara. 90s. I have no idea if Dracula was real.”
“How come you didn’t react to my cross jewelry?”
“Because it was jewelry.” I held up a hand to ward off a host of other questions. “Kara, I still need to know. Are you going to keep our secret?”
A smile crawled from one end of her mouth to the other as she flashed me a huge grin. “Are you kidding?! My neighbor’s a vegan vampire!! I’ve got to tell--”
“No,” I interrupted her. “No you don’t. This isn’t a tweeny vampire novel.” Her excitement went down a tad, smile falling at the edges. “Kara, humans have been hurting and killing each other over things like skin color or which gender they find attractive. Can you imagine what they’d do to something they’ve been told to fear for centuries?”
“But...but you’re not--”
“I know I’m not. And now you know I’m not. But not everyone will know that. People will hear ‘vampire’ and immediately think ‘blood-sucking monster’. Even you, when you first found out. Granted, you found out the hard way, but still. You were ready to run. People do stupid things out of fear. You know this. It’s a battle I don’t want to fight right now...so are you willing to help me?”
“But…” she hesitated. “How many others are like you?”
“More than you’d think.”
“So there’d be enough to prove the stereotype wrong.”
“No. There’s not enough of us for that.”
“But if you don’t fight for yourself...if you keep hiding in plain sight…”
I shook my head. “Please, don’t. Not now, Kara. Believe me, I’ve had this conversation. The thoughts have gone round and round with no real answer. I’m not asking you to keep my secret forever. I’m just asking for now. Help me stay safe in today’s world, and let’s worry about the future later on.” She glanced away, thinking. She looked around. I could see her thinking through my plea, considering what I said. Putting a gentle hand on her knee, I asked again. “Kara? Are you going to tell anyone?”
Taking a breath, she put her hand over mine. “I...I guess not.” She flashed me a nervous smile. “Wouldn’t want to lose my friend. My...vampire friend.” I smiled and moved to get up, but her hand held mine down as she stared. “...You’re warm.”
“Vampires.” She held my hand up. “I thought you guys were all supposed to be cold and clammy and stuff.”
Okay, we were gonna have to have a talk about acceptable questions. Instead, warned her away from the use of ‘you guys’ before answering and preparing her for dealing with Tommy.
Like I said, it’s not easy being a modern vampire dealing with humans. But I guess not all of them were difficult. Some humans were worthy of being let in to your life. Plus it was a little nice knowing I now had a friend, someone evidently willing to advocate for me, even if it was a little misguided. It was still...nice.
The Short Stories
From time to time I have minor adventures, whims, or odd ideas that manage to be written down. Below you'll find all my little nonsensical adventures, anything from other-worldly to other-wordly.
Occasionally I get a wild hair and do something I can't particular categorize. So it gets classified as 'nonsense' and put into the corner for others to look at.
To shorten this introduction: I'm a Millennial Gemini Ravenclaw Firebending INTP-T that is somewhere in the range between Enneagram numbers 4-7 (It keeps changing and I keep forgetting which number I'm supposed to be). If that doesn't give you some kind of picture of how I operate then you'll just have to start Googling things.
All 30of30 Animal Bear Bubbles Cocky Cookies Detective Event Funny Grandma Halloween Haunting Hedge LevelUP Marwolaeth Mystery Noir Parody Phone Calls Plants Pupmkins Rabid Plants Redmoon Rocky Roses Satire Squirrel True Love Valentines Story Zombies
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